July 12th, 2015 by Busy Mommy
I wrote this in September 2012 after we moved for the first time since our marriage, but for some reason never published! I think it felt weird and a little too personal or something, but hey, now that almost 3 years have passed, that chapter is SUPER closed and I thought it’s a neat memory to have and share – and we have since moved again!
It’s weird to be writing this. Actually not so much now 3 weeks later as we are pretty cozy in our new home! The following post I wrote a few weeks ago before we had secured a new home.
I have been married to Ben for almost 12 years, and for almost 12 years I have lived in this same house, since the day of our wedding on February 9, 2001. I remember one night not long after we were engaged and this house opened up to rent from my dad just at the right time (seriously- we didn’t kick anyone out- all of a sudden the current tenants up and flew the coop of their own accord). We stood across the street from the house in the dark looking at it, imagining our life there. The house was a little….faded inside and out, from the years of renters who of course didn’t treat it like their own, since it wasn’t their own. Ben looked at it rather doubtfully seeing only it’s current condition. But I told him not to worry- all it needed was some sprucing up ala Nana-style. Paint and color fixes EVERYTHING. Well, except maybe for broken sewer pipes or something like that, but fortunately the downsides of this particular house were purely cosmetic.
We weren’t “through” with fixing up the house overnight. But what we did accomplish with family and friends help at the very beginning made it feel immediately like home, and what we continued to do in the ensuing years made it all the more so my home, changing over time as my own tastes changed as I grew into a woman. I say that because I married at a young 19 when money and knowledge was still rather scarce. But of course so much of me has changed in 12 years, as I’m sure will continue to do so during the next 12 years, at which point hopefully my credit will have repaired itself from the foreclosure.
To be perfectly honest, I am not super attached to this house itself. There’s aspects of this house that I am attached to that I wish to find in a new home. The abundance of natural light in most rooms. The space to garden is a plus. The light colors inside that I can use as a backsplash for my bold colored quilts and hanging lamps. Doing what I want in and out of the house with perfect freedom is something that I will probably miss and that I’m aware I probably won’t get as a renter. But that freedom comes with a price. I will be happy to see my husband no longer tied down to something that requires him to slave day and night or that would take me from raising my son full time during his formative years. In the end, it simply wasn’t worth the cost.
When all is said and done, it’s my family I’m really attached to- my husband and my son. As long as we are together, and can be in a place that feels sunny and cheerful, I’ll be happy. With these two things, I can make anything feel just like home to me. While researching different options and outcomes when it comes to losing one’s home (there’s a myriad of ways to “lose” your home by the way), I sadly came across not a few individuals who said their families were literally ruined because of the foreclosure of their home. People stated their grown children would no longer speak to them, their spouses divorced them, etc. etc. etc. How sad that the value some individuals placed on their families had so much to do with where they lived.
I won’t deny this entire process hasn’t been more stressful on us as a family than say, going out for ice-cream, but on the whole, I’m pretty proud of how we’ve handled the whole affair. Our house just sold to someone else at a Trustee Sale for $246k and guess what? My husband is still my best friend! Sometimes we’ve differed in how we might have let things play out, etc. and at what point each of us would have chosen to take a certain action, but, you spend 1 day feeling sorry for yourself and get a little grumpy, then the next day you get up and start looking for a new home again, ready to face the world anew, calling and coordinating throughout the day with your hubby and best friend as you search for that new place that “feels” like home. Because that’s what it mostly is- a feeling, that you can’t quite explain. It’s not what’s biggest or newest. No indeed. We saw a home just this evening on Craigslist that was 2 stories and fairly new-looking in a town we desire to live in, and yet, neither of us was nearly as drawn to it as a smaller, older home, in a neighboring town, that doesn’t have a dishwasher and has a small bathroom but had the right “feeling” to both of us.
One of the good outcomes of this entire experience is that we started de-junking our home a couple of weeks ago so that we would have an easier move and with the idea in mind that perhaps we could comfortably downsize and save some money. It’s amazing how much we realized we no longer need. Yes, most of the stuff was/were items that we used at one point. But a lot changes in 12 years. In fact, a lot has changed for us personally in just the last 4 years, not the least of which was the birth of a child. We have come to realize that we only reasonably have time for 1 hobby each. Since we spent almost 9 years childless, we used to have our hands in many projects at one time- we both tend to be driven creatively and it was always a struggle to keep this in balance with the other important things in our lives. Now between raising a human being from a little baby (and let me tell ya, it ain’t like growing tomatoes or having a dog or anything else you can possibly think of), and dealing with health issues and the work that is necessary to make for daily living, we’ve gotten to the point where we are pretty content to spend a simple creative hour here and there on a hobby. But that is all there is time for. And in the end, this is just fine because we are happy and we don’t need a lot of stuff now.
I even got rid of most of my jewelry and shoes. One nice thing about being in one’s 30’s now is the ability to have really come to know yourself a lot better. And I said to myself, ‘self, just admit it, you are just not a fashion and shoes and jewelry type of person. You like to wear the same outfits over and over that you love and feel no need or compulsion to look different every day for months on end in public. So why are you keeping all this stuff? There’s plenty of other stuff that is you and that you are keeping (ie. quilt fabric…..bookcases full of it), so you gotta make some decisions here.’
It was because it took time for me to know what was really me long term. I’ve even come to realize that it’s not a particular hobby I’m attached to so much as I am attached to learning how to do things, especially things involving movement, my hands, and vivid color. Which explains why I’ve had so many different hobbies throughout the years and fairly easily left one behind entirely to pursue another with few regrets.
Here’s a few memories of the Corvallis house:
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